oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
