"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
