They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
