dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You pole danced in your parka.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
