So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
