He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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