Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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