Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
