if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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