I'm going to jail i love you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize