If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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