im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
