I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
