so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
