I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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