I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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