Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
