I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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