there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
