We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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