wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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