so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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