Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
