I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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