a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
