i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
