VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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