My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
