just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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