Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
