Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
