I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
