Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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