she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
