Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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