is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
