i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
