maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
