i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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