I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
