Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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