He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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