I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
