I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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