You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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