This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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