I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
