i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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