Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
