Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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