i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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