We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
