Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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