so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize