Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize