I think I died a long time ago.
that's an acceptable place to lick
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize