DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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