I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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