remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
