I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
