This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
