I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
