Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
