i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
